Home The Sticky Stuff FAKE EXCLUSIVE: An Interview With Suzanne Somers’ Nearly Naked Intruder

FAKE EXCLUSIVE: An Interview With Suzanne Somers’ Nearly Naked Intruder

by W.H. Nance

Suzanne Somers, beloved star of Three’s Company, Step by Step, and She’s the Sheriff, was hosting a formal Facebook Live stream in a fascinator February 5, demonstrating her organic makeup line. Forty minutes into the stream, she looked to her left and calmly asked for someone to identify himself.

“I was slightly terrified over there for a second,” a man said from off-camera, before introducing himself as Eric Carpenter. “Have you heard of me?” he asked. Suzanne and her husband Al had not! But at this point, most of America has heard of the nearly naked man who offered the former Chrissy Snow a handful of “special mud” while standing in her own. In a Gay Goods exclusive, we caught up with Eric to find out exactly what happened.

“I was doing some naked meditation after a real bitch of a day,” says Carpenter, who describes his occupation as a “spiritual influencer” and requested that, like his Grindr profile, this article not show his face. “Then all of a sudden, this herd of goats appeared in front of me. Have you ever seen The Witch? It felt very Black Philip.”

Carpenter promptly grabbed a handful of mud with which to blind the goats if needed and fled the scene. He’d managed to tug on just his shorts and his flip-flops before heading pellmell down the hill, eventually seeking refuge in what turned out to be Somers’ home.

“The door was unlocked and I heard voices,” Carpenter says. “I was a bit distracted, honestly. I wasn’t thinking clearly. So I walked in and then all of a sudden I was like, ‘Wait, is this a drag queen Suzanne Somers?'”

After a few seconds, Carpenter realized that there are no Suzanne Somers drag impersonators, and that the woman wearing too much foundation was the TV legend herself.

Of their short interaction, Carpenter has no regrets, though he was surprised at her refusal to take the mud he still held in his hands.

“Honestly, looking at the makeup, I thought a mud mask to remove it all would make sense,” Carpenter shares. “Plus, this mud has special healing properties, and since I know Suzanne’s line is organic, it seemed like a fit.”

He denies that he was looking for an opportunity to merchandise the mud, though he admits he would be open to a meeting with Somers and her husband. But mostly his biggest regret is that he wasn’t able to tell Somers what a fan he is.

“Have you ever read Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers?” he asks. “That book, no joke, really changed my life in college. It’s the reason I almost majored in poetry.”

As for Somers’ quick request that Carpenter leave—and insistence that he go back up the hill into the mountains, where the goats still lurked‚Carpenter bears no ill will.

“I understand it! My energy was really negative when I walked in, so I totally get that she wanted me gone,” he says. “That’s why I told her I”m not a scary person. I’m an Aquarius! I wish she’d known that. I would have loved to hang out.”

Carpenter has not heard from Somers since that evening, though he did watch her appearance about the incident on Good Morning America. “I thought she looked great,” he says. “But I’m sad she said, “He’s not my friend.”

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