Exclusive: On-the-Scene Report From 25-Man Orgy That Led to a Hungarian Politician’s Resignation

Welcome to Nance's Corner, with all the news that's fit to spoof, and the strange saga of Hungarian hypocrite József Szájer.

Pandemonium broke out in Brussels this week when a 25-person party was rudely interrupted by police, who referred to it as a gangbang.

“This was not a gangbang,” said party attendee Lucas R. “Believe me, I know what a gangbang looks like. This was just some men being men, having a few drinks and a few laughs together naked. And sometimes dicks get sucked, you know?”

Unfortunately, this congenial genital gathering occurred despite the very strict Belgian regulations against mass (or ass) gatherings, prompting the police visit in the first place. What should have remained a local matter, however, spiraled into an international scandal after József Szájer, a Member of the European Parliament representing Hungary, was arrested fleeing the scene of the soiree. Narcotics were discovered in his bag, and his hands were bleeding.

“Ik wist dat hij achterdochtig was,” a second attendee said, before a translator was located. “I knew he was suspicious. That fake beard he wore? Ridiculous!” When told that the beard was genuine, the Belgian expressed disbelief and disappointment. “I can’t believe he wasn’t asked to leave. Disgusting. That beard looked as if it had creatures residing in it. And people worry about COVID?”

In addition to breaking the law, the married Szájer’s presence created a stir—and prompted his resignation as MEP—because he represents an anti-LGBTQ+ government and assisted in revising the Hungarian constitution to strengthen the definition of marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

“I told my friend he was a closet case,” Lucas R. said. “You can always tell. They suck the best cock. Like a starving man sitting down to eat, because they never know when they’ll get the chance again.” He sighed. “Do you think he’ll come back to Brussels now that he’s left the Hungarian government?”

Szájer’s plans for the future remain unknown.

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