EXCLUSIVE: New Report Reveals Correlation Between Foreskin and Homosexuality

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A new study from the research department at Von Wangenheim University in Schwanz Lake, Germany, has revealed a previously unconfirmed correlation between circumcision and homosexuality.

Using subjects from around the world (since Europe’s circumcised population is fairly circumscribed), the team of penis specialists have deduced that the odds of homosexuality drastically increase in men who have their foreskins removed.

“Over the last two years of long, hard work, we’ve put in a lot of hours and taken a lot of photos,” head scientist Dr. Peter Ecker said. “Based on anecdotal research, we long suspected that there was merit to this theory, and now we are all delighted to say that the research has come to prove us right!”

Circumcised men are 70 percent more likely to be gay than those who remain intact, according to Dr. Ecker’s report. (That number has been rounded up.) “But what we’re now investigating,” Dr. Ecker shared excitedly in a The Gay Goods exclusive, “is the correlation between the attractiveness of the rabbi or surgeon performing the procedure and the sexual preference in terms of position. We’re looking forward to really sinking into this research in a very deep and meaningful way.”

Supplemental video materials will be released later this month.

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