A New Video Inexplicably Misusing a Game of Marco Polo Marks Men.com as the MadLibs of Porn

What a way to squander Sir Peter's first appearance in one of your releases—by making him play Marco Polo in a living room.

Like many people, I have played a few games of Marco Polo in my life. Tag in a pool is not the most enjoyable thing in my book, but the call and response of “Marco?” “Polo” has its own childlike joys, I suppose.

Which is why it’s so striking that Men.com has Sir Peter and Andy Star playing a game of Marco Polo in Andy’s living room, with his girlfriend as the seeker. Donning a blindfold, she wanders throughout the room, arms outstretched like a Z-movie mummy, calling out “Marco?” as her boyfriend and his friend hookup.

They still respond with “Polo,” so at least good sportsmanship is alive and well.

The responding is not what makes me angry. Nor is it the unnecessary taunting of a straight woman. What makes me angry is why use Marco Polo as a narrative device if it’s not even the right format? Did they just have a jockstrap filled with arbitrary plot devices they plucked this out of, shrugged their shoulders, and made a video out of? Because there’s no reason this isn’t a game of hide and seek or, even better, Sardines in a Can, in which one person hides and the others have to find them.

The worst thing is that the chemistry between Sir Peter and Andy is sizzling, and their sex—while Andy’s girlfriend pouts in the other room, wanting to join but barred by the boys—is boner-inducing even in the NSFW trailer below.

But the question hanging over this insultingly lazy release is: In a world where porn can be found for free every single day, why would fans remain loyal subscribers to Men.com? The jokey, hokey releases are one thing; this is the porn equivalent of Naomi Wolfe writing an entire book based on a false assumption. I suppose the answer is that, when you’re part of the MindGeek conglomerate alongside Porn Hub, you don’t really need to care too much about supplying customers with a quality product. If they don’t get your subscriber money, they’ll take your eyeballs on their tube options.

That must be a relief for the creative teams. Too bad the actors are seeing their great work overshadowed by such bad choices.

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