We get it. Rainbows are gay! (They’re actually simple meteorological phenomena, but you’re not ready for that conversation yet.) But you know what’s gayer than rainbows? Gay porn!
Which is why, when I saw that Next Door Studios had Pride-themed content, I paused. “Huh,” I thought to myself. “What could make gay porn more Pride-themed than it already is?”
The addition of beloved gay model Roy G. Biv, of course!
But in true haphazard porn style, the rainbows in this encounter between Dalton Riley and Kian Kane are wrinkled after thoughts—other than their swimsuits, of course. Nothing like swaddling your rock-hard cock in the colors of Pride to say, “We’re here and we’re queer!”
I’m starting to think of gay porn as my underachieving child. I just love him so much, it kills me to see him not living up to his potential! This moment, post-COVID but still rife with wariness, is all about quantity for pornographers. They’re playing catch-up on months of lost content, so it’s natural that they want to cut corners wherever they can to get the most basic version of their base product (which god knows we’ll all still consume) out to subscribers.
Five rainbows in one photo!
Is there anything inherently wrong with tossing in some rainbow flags and accessories as decor for a fuck scene? Nope. And while you’re at it, why not have the models pose like actors in a radical retelling of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat?
But I see so much room for improvement in this beloved child of mine (I feel like he’s a Dylan?). If you want to jump on the increasingly rainbow-washed gay pride bandwagon, couldn’t you at least have the models returning from the march their Pride outfits before they get naked and bang? If everyone would go one step beyond the first idea, we could stop having these uncomfortable lectures from a dad who’s only angry because he cares too much!
There’s also a touch of smugness about these photos that sets me off, too, as if they’re so proud of having done the bare minimum required to title the release “Pride.” But don’t take my word for it: See for yourself!
“Yeah. We’ve got Pride. How about you, bro?”
“Do these rainbows distract from my acid-washed jorts?”
“This Speedo is actually from the Mark Rothko Swim Collection, but I feel like it counts as a rainbow.”
