How Was Your Week, Darling?: A Melania Memoir, a Franken Missed Opportunity, a Dethrone Movement?

The takedowns and hot takes from a week in the life of Ken Darling.

I, Melania

Prediction: Melania and Trump will be separated, on their way to divorce, by March 1, 2021. Her tell-all book will hit Amazon in the summer—with chapters on his deformed penis and inability to satisfy women, his comical make-up routine, his elaborate attempt to cover his bald pate, Ivanka’s attention-seeking and greed, Jared’s criminality and gay experiences, the Trump sons’ deep hatred of their father, her special bond with Barron and how they love brushing one another’s hair, and, of course, that time Trump insisted she blow Putin until she threatened to castrate any Russian cock waved in her face.

Trump, always the crude asshole with loyalty to no one, will soon have a nickname for Melania, beginning with the letter B or C and preceded by “Dumb.”

Franken, My Dear

Doug Jones, the outgoing Democratic Senator from Alabama, is a good choice for Attorney General, but I would have loved to see Minnesota’s Amy Klobuchar get the job, mostly, I have to admit, because I wanted to see Governor Tim Walz appoint Al Franken to Amy’s seat and rectify the great injustice done to Franken three years ago when he was forced out of the Senate by that cynical oppo-stunt Roger Stone and Mitch McConnell pulled exploiting the overwrought emotions of the early #metoo movement.

It is now clear Biden won’t be plucking anyone from the Senate whose seat has even a chance of being grabbed by Republicans, and Minnesota Democrats are just a little too unreliable—can anyone say “Defund”—to guarantee Franken’s reelection in increasingly purple Minnesota. Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren will not be getting jobs in the Biden-Harris administration either, since both their states have Republican governors.

Still, a good choice. Biden favors people he likes and he has every right to.

Dethrone, De-Escalate

Imagine if last summer, after the unprecedented street protests, the mantra on the left had been pragmatic instead of ideological, if “Dethrone the Police”—an effort to depose the police union and make cops directly accountable to their leaders and elected officials—had emerged instead of the radical-chic, ill-conceived “Defund” movement.

Minneapolis—the city where George Floyd was murdered by police—would be a very different place today. City Council President Lisa Bender, the leading proponent of “Defund the Police,” would be a hero instead of a quitter, stepping down in failure next year. The Democrats would have taken the state Senate, and Minneapolis would be restructuring its police department—including replacing some cops with mental health professionals—instead of fighting over a measly $8 million as crime soars, liberals and progressives throw mud at one another, 100 police officers take paid leave, and Bob Kroll wins once again.


Wide Awoke

Sometimes “wokeness” is unintentionally hilarious. I just saw an Asian gay chastise some white gays for “appropriating Asian culture” by dancing to a Kpop video. Um, Kpop is basically pretty Korean boys with a totally gay aesthetic pretending to be American pop stars. Bless their hearts and their sexy, exposed abs, but “boy bands” are about as “Asian” as pizza rolls. When Lady Gaga covers a Chinese opera, we can talk.

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