Dig deep and most Americans will confess to having a bit of a penchant for British men. They just love our classy accents and the possibility that, when they’re fucking a Brit, they might just be fucking royalty…
But what about British porn? Do we Brits put our money where our cut glass—accented mouths are? Here are the top ten differences between British porn and American porn…
READ: British Bodybuilder Simon Layton Makes His Gay Porn Debut
Budgets
For a long time, decency laws prevented British porn from establishing itself as an industry. Did you know, for example, that until the late 1990s, cocks in British porn were subjected to the “Mull O’Kintyre” rule? A dick couldn’t appear in porn more erect than the angle that this famous Scottish peninsular hangs off the mainland—and it’s a decidedly flaccid one! British porn actors routinely looked like they were trying to stuff a marshmallow into a keyhole. As a result of these draconian rules, British porn has never been that popular, and as a result, it’s almost always low budget.
Low-Rent
This is wholly unrelated to the budgets. We may sound posh and refined, but British porn has a tendency to focus on “scally lads.” (The nearest U.S. equivalent is trailer trash.) Most performers come from—or pretend to come from—working class backgrounds, often boasting Northern or Essex accents. You’ll almost never hear a cut-glass accent in porn; it’s considered too pompous to be sexy.
Additionally, British porn models are invariably dressed in track suits, jeans, and T-shirts. It’s very rare to find a Brit wearing suit and tie in porn, and if he does, it’s likely to look like he’s in court!
Outsourcing Talent
There are very few home-grown U.K. porn stars who don’t head for the U.S. industry pretty quickly. You just can’t make a proper living over here doing porn. As a result, a large number of our models come from Eastern Europe.
Stiff Upper Lips
The deep, “masculine” grunts of U.S. porn stars are not top of our list of turn-ons, and those running commentaries from verbal American tops can feel quite embarrassing and fake! Talking in U.K.-based porn is often there to reenforce or establish the working-class nature of the characters. (Note to Americans: If you fuck a Brit, you might wanna keep a cork in your gob, or he might cork it for you! You can’t talk with your mouth full, after all.)
Twink Diet
There are no muscle bears in British porn. In fact, there are very few bears in general. There are quite a number of older, skinny, pathetic, rather pervy-looking blokes, but our porn is overwhelmingly twink-focused.
Kinks Welcome
In general, there’s more of an emphasis on kink in British porn: in particular piss, spanking, BDSM, and feet… A classic indication that we’re all deeply repressed!
50 Shades of Beauty
There are, of course, more uncircumcised guys and (although we’re getting better in this department) dodgy teeth in U.K. porn! Us Brits just aren’t as obsessed with beauty—particularly when it comes to older men. It’s rare to find those over-tanned, hair-plugged, slightly plastic-looking older guys that find their way so often into American porn. There are certainly no muscle men in British porn. Body beautiful just isn’t a thing. Just like our drag queens can’t afford to be as polished as American queens, our porn actors just don’t earn enough to spend money fixing their perceived flaws. Amen to that! There’s more than a whiff of tragedy exuding from a preened, fake-toothed, botoxed Yankee Doodle Dandy. Grow. Old. Gracefully. It’s our flaws that make us sexy!
