A new survey from The New York Times reveals that 24% of polled LGBTQ+ voters cast their ballots in favor of President Donald Trump.
“He reminds me of my dad,” one poll respondent, David R., said shortly after voting. “My dad always complained about and mocked all of my life choices, too.”
“This just seemed like a really good chance to gain his approval,” David’s partner, Kevin, agreed. “At least I know what I’m getting with my Dad—I mean, Donald.”
Others cited Trump’s focus on everyday working men and women as well as a reluctance to increase taxation. Still more were excited to support a man who held them in nothing but disdain.
“Oh god, the ultimate dom-sub fantasy, right?” Steve K. said excitedly. “Forget being ordered around or tied up. This is literally playing with the possibility of taking away my civil liberties. I almost came in my Bonobos when I scanned my ballot.”
When approached, all lesbians refused to dignify with an answer whether or not they had voted for Donald Trump, opting instead for profanities.
In other election news, marijuana became legal in five states and the hotly contested battle between optimism and despair is still too close to call.