I’m Showing You My Dick. Don’t Be One.

Now that Only Fans and camming made the mainstream (thanks to idiot celebrities co-opting our work as a joke), let’s talk about it, and let’s talk about how to talk about it. 

Here’s a list do’s, don’ts, and shit we hate from clients, dates, and friends:

Don’t DM Us If You’re Not Gonna Tip
If you slide in my pm’s in the chat room, (especially if you ask me to private message you) start sending tokens, dude. Do it periodically. You’re not the only person who wants my undivided attention. Don’t take advantage of my customer conversion process so you can get off, or troll. Grow up and spend a dollar. 

On Twitter, sure, we might be having fun—but it’s also a work thing. Compliments from someone who likes your work are always nice, but don’t go all “Mr. I’m Too Good To Call Or Write My Fans” on us. If you really would like some attention, send a tip! Most performers have a Venmo or Cashapp in their bio. That’s just good manners.

Also: Don’t be a Time Waster. If you’re pretending to want to buy socks, or book a domination session, or anything like that? And you’re jerking your tiny dick, and have no intention of paying for anything? Shame on you. Shame!

time waster (noun) / tīmˈwāstər/ someone who beats their tiny cock while fantasizing about booking a sex worker instead of actually booking a sex worker

To All The Boys On Grinder We Almost Kissed
Don’t ask us for 100 nudes! Like, I get it, we’re recreationally texting. Not everything is a hustle. This is a weird crossover between recreational and professional arenas. True! But I’m literally a porn star, man. If I send you like three or four nudes and I have a link to my Twitter? Just scroll through that! There’s like 46TB of cock and hole on there, literally curated for your consumption. I promise you, not a single one of us wants to “trade vids.” And don’t expect my actual porn videos for free.

“I Would Never Pay For Porn”
Are you joking me? Do you know how good porn you pay for is? And why would I be attracted to a cheap fuck who’s eating the box crumbs? Yuck. Porn is important, don’t waste my time.

Don’t Flip the Script

This happens all the time. I’m fantasizing with a guy, or giving a lap dance, or whatever, and and in response to my laughing, smiling, moaning and gyrating, he says those fatal words: “You should be paying me.” Dude, how far gone are you? I’m an actor playing out a fantasy for you. I will never be your finsub. 

finsub (noun) / fin.səb / someone who fetishizes having their money controlled

“Omg I Could Never Do What You Do!!”
Cool, we know you couldn’t. We didn’t fucking ask. And yes, you fucking could. That’s the thing! Anybody could. And when you play at being a prude or do this whole cutesy oh my gosh I’m so insecure I could never do that routine, you’re asking me to participate in this make-pretend societal shame thing that is actively a threat to my way of life. Everybody fucks. So shut the fuck up.

“Ugh, Well I Guess It’s Time To Start An Only Fans…”
Thanks for joking about our job being your rock bottom. That’s so annoying and rude, especially to people who actually do survival sex online. The people who make this joke are never those people.

Also, you’re revealing that you think this is an easy job, and that if you start today, money will just pour into your lap like free breadsticks at Olive Garden. It isn’t. It won’t. There’s nothing desperate about what we do. And we can tell you’re not fucking serious.Go get a civ job at Lululemon where you belong.

civ (noun) – /səv/ – a non-sex worker – [root word: civillian (eng)]

Don’t Ask For Free Consulting
OK. So you do want to start. No gatekeepers here! But please don’t ask your camboy friends to just teach you the ins and outs and everything you need to know for free. Take us to lunch if we’re a close friend. Pay us if we’re a stranger. Be considerate that literally everyone asks us to do this for them. When you expect us to explain how all this work for free, you’re revealing two things:

1. You don’t recognize this consultation as labor
2. You think this is an easy job that can be explained in a short conversation, and you don’t appreciate the years we’ve put into learning on our own by trial and error: developing sales skills, customer retention, branding, promotion, lighting, editing, performance, stamina, training, equipment acquisition, boundary and safety work, etc. etc. Figure it out.

Cam on Cam Violence
Listen porn boys: On any major platform, you have amateurs and you have real pros running major studios—but we’re all in this together.

New boys, don’t get crazy-ex syndrome if a famous porn star doesn’t reply to your DMs. Don’t get weird if another cammer doesn’t want to watch your show while they work. Don’t get mad at other people’s success, or crazy if they don’t like your replies! Extend some grace and humility.

And Famo’s: don’t be a fucking queen. You know who you are, ya fuckin’ himbos. You were once a new kid on the block. It can make a big difference every now and then to reach back out. 

Anyway, we get it. You’re horny and stupid. But for the love of God, show some respect and tip your local sex worker.