Ah, St. Patrick’s Day!

The one day a year when everyone suddenly claims they have a great-great-grandparent from Cork and drinking before noon is socially acceptable. But let’s be real: the best part of Ireland isn’t the Guinness, the shamrocks, or even the accents (okay, maybe the accents). It’s the men.

Am I lying? Irish men have this effortless charm kind of poetic, and just a little bit dangerous / rough. They’ll give you a boner with a well-placed “lad” or “love,” then ruin you completely with a smirk. So, in the spirit of celebration, let’s raise a glass (or drop some trousers) for these five Irish stunners who make us feel extra lucky.

1. Paul Mescal : The boy next door… who’ll ruin your hole

Paul Mescal gives off that I grew up in your hometown, played a little rugby, and could absolutely wreck your life energy. Those arms? That chain? That Normal People sex appeal? A walking Irish daydream. Plus, he’s got that soft-spoken, humble vibe that makes you think he’d actually text you back.

2. Cillian Murphy : The brooding mystery (right?)

The cheekbones? Lethal. The stare? Dangerous. The vibe? Like he knows your deepest fetish before you even say hello. Cillian Murphy is the kind of man who could read you a grocery list and make you cum. Whether he’s playing a mob boss (Peaky Blinders) or just casually existing, he’s Irish intensity personified.

3. Jamie Dornan : The DILF I deserve (I can share)

Sure, he played that billionaire with a thing for red rooms, but Jamie Dornan’s real appeal is his real guy charm. He’s the type who’d take you on a romantic beach walk in Donegal, then throw you over his shoulder and deep fuck you in a cozy little cottage. The beard (must feels awesome between my butt cheeks). The smile. The accent. It’s all working overtime.

4. Jonathan Rhys Meyers : The bad decision I would make twice (or more)

There’s just something about Jonathan Rhys Meyers that screams big fat dick energy. He’s got that wild, unpredictable style that makes you question all your life choices, yet you still somehow find yourself texting “U up?” at 2 AM. Bonus points for his smirk in The Tudors, which could definitely bring a grown man like me, to his knees.

5. Andrew Scott : The charmer you’d bring home

Andrew Scott is the Irish man who’d flirt with you over drinks, make you laugh until you’re weak, and constantly put his hand on your upper leg like a straight dude would when he wants a good head. Whether he’s being sinful as the Fleabag Hot Priest or brilliantly chaotic as Moriarty in Sherlock, He’s got that smooth, flirty Irish charm that could talk you into just about anything.

So, my friends, tell me: Who’s your lucky Irish crush? This St. Patrick’s Day, let’s raise a glass to the men of Ireland !

Sláinte, boys. 🍀💚